Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Let me just say that she is one remarkable young woman. There was so much about spirituality and faith in the movie. It was obvious that she is a miracle and that only her and her family's faith in God brought her through the awful event. The movie moved me to tears multiple times. Carrie Underwood, Helen Hunt, and Dennis Quaid did a fabulous job playing her family and friend. They were real and moving and had a depth you don't always see in movies.
Carrie Underwood plays Bethany's youth group leader and at one point in the movie she quotes Jeremiah 29:11. It's funny because I quoted it in my blog a few weeks ago, and it's the verse that has been moving me to have hope when I feel hopeless. The whole movie made me realize the incredible life I have. If Bethany can face adversity like that with a faith that strong, anyone can. No, I don't have my two angel babies here with me, but I have my life, my family, and my friends. I have both of my arms, both of my legs, and all five of my senses. God is good. I don't have to understand why, to trust Him in all things. Because with Him, all things are possible.
I also want to share a dream I had on Sunday night. It was so moving it woke me up out of a dead sleep at 2am. I was in Australia, on the beach, and somehow I knew there was going to be a tsnuami. All the water went out and I was taken out by the water and I was laying on the sand. I came out of my body and was floating above watching my body. Then, Jesus was standing next to me and he bent over and said "You are forgiven and healed."
I woke up with a jolt but that was it. The whole dream. Jesus spoke to me in my dream. Some may think it's cheesy and just my brain playing tricks with me in my dreams. But since that dream, I have felt a peace I've never known. God has this. Jesus is with me. It will be ok. No. Matter. What.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
We also decided we are taking a break from actively trying. I know that we run the risk of losing another baby if I don't take the progesterone, but I'm going to spend a lot of time praying and turning it over to God. No temping or tracking or obsessing. After one month, we'll reassess. I'm going to take it one day at a time, and give ourselves a month to focus on us and our families. God will take care of us. He always does.
This is going to be a month full of melting snow, green grass on the way, time with family, time as a couple, and mostly just peace and growth.
April's Motto: In God We Trust
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Myth: If you just relax, you will get pregnant.
"The fact is, the vast majority of individuals who have infertility have a medical reason, not a stress-related one. Upwards of 90% of all infertility cases are caused by physical problems."
I wish it were this easy. Do you know how often I hear this from people who know about our fertility problems? It's like people are saying it's our fault we can't get pregnant. They are pretty much saying, "You're just too stressed. You are the reason you can't get pregnant. You guys should just take a nice vacation and I'm sure you'll come back pregnant." YEAH RIGHT. Stress is not scientifically a problem for fertility. There has never been a study which shows that simply relaxing increases pregnancy rates.
Do you know how much blame and shame and guilt this puts on couples who are facing this disease? Really? We face enough of these things created by our own mind. I think about this all the time. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I should have been more careful in college. Maybe I need to stop drinking coffee. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
The bottom line is that infertility is not a stress issue. It's not based on things we can control most of the time. It is a disease that has the power to destroy a marriage. It can destroy self esteem, serenity, and hope.
Couples and individuals facing infertility don't deserve the disease just like cancer patients don't deserve their disease. No one deserves to be mocked or shamed based on their ability to have children. They also shouldn't be judged for trying to achieve pregnancy through medical intervention. We wouldn't judge a cancer patient for trying to be cured through medical intervention, would we?
Take that PETA.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I'm sure it seems like this totally consumes my thoughts. But it's been hard this week. I'm coming up on my second due date for a baby I don't get to meet. April 11, 2011. I'm supposed to be anxiously awaiting that baby's arrival. I didn't think I would hit this due date without being pregnant again. I just didn't.
They say you shouldn't pray for patience because God will surely give you a way to practice it. I guess he thinks I need a good long lesson in patience.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I'm struggling with the whole trying to get pregnant thing. It's so hard to want something so bad and do everything in my power to get there, and still no success. I am trying to live in an attitude of gratitude, because I know in my heart we will look back on this and it will make sense. But it's only frustrating right now. I've pretty much surrendered to the process and just try to think about anything else. Someday I will look back on this time in my life and understand.
We are going to take a road trip over Memorial Day weekend to California to see all of my family that is out there now. I'm really really looking forward to it! I can't wait to get out there and spend some time with the people I love and enjoy the sun!! (Is winter over yet here???) Then, in June we are planning a trip to Lake Powell! Lots of vacation plans in my future! Thank God! So there you have it, an update on my uninteresting but crazy life! I will try and write more often.