Tuesday, June 28, 2011
With these things in mind, I'm considering acupuncture. I've been looking at all my options here in the valley. I was surprised to find that there are a lot of options with quite a few acupuncturists specializing in female hormones and infertility. I have heard amazing success stories of women who had gone through multiple failed IVF cycles and then trying acupuncture and getting pregnant.
I know it's sort of hippy-like of me, and totally not a normal thing I would consider, but I really don't want to use drugs. I don't like the idea of forcing my body to do something, even though I may resort to that at some point. I also hear that acupuncture is a great stress relief. Since my last miscarriage last August, my hormones have seemed very out of wack, with bad skin and all. My skin is worse than it was when I was in 8th grade. That'll piss a 25 year old girl off. Acupuncture doesn't sound so bad after all.
What do you think? Have you ever tried it? Do you have any success stories to share?
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
It just breaks my heart to see him like this. I want back the happy go lucky husband that I married. I want Crohn's disease to let go of him so I can have him back. I want to be able to go somewhere with him and not have him worry about what he's going to eat and what it's going to do to his body. I really want all of this for him, not me. I want him to feel better so badly.
We have a trip to Lake Powell scheduled for this week, and he's just not going to be able to make it. He missed too much work being sick, and will miss more for the upcoming surgery. And he is worried about getting sick out in the middle of nowhere. He has encouraged me to go, and I think I'm going to go without him. It makes me so sad, but I think it's best. My little brother is going, and it's the only time he gets to go this summer. So we are going to go and enjoy it for Adam.
His surgery isn't scheduled yet, but it will be scheduled in the next couple weeks, and hopefully after that, we can have our life back. He can have his appetite back, and gain some weight, and be stress free. Please, if you pray, pray for his health. Pray for healing. Because he really really needs it. And I just love him so so much.
Friday, June 10, 2011
I was out running with my dog at the reservoir near my house. The water is still low at the reservoir so it's a great place to run off of the asphalt. Out in one of the flat areas, there is a bent stake in the ground that is almost perfectly camoflaged, although I've seen it many times. I've even tripped over it a few times. I've always been walking when I've tripped on it before.
This time I was running, and running faster than my normal speed too. I tripped over the stake and fell so hard. I was holding the dog's remote to her collar (we use that instead of a leash) in one hand so I could only catch my fall with the other hand. I fell and rolled on to my left side and skidded across the gravely rocks. I'm so lucky I didn't knock my front teeth out on the rock that was very nearby.
It hurt so bad! I have bruises all over my body and road rash all over my hands. Awesome. Needless to say I still ran back home and cleaned up when I got there. I even still let my dog swim! I'm such a nice mom. :)
I'm off to Lake Powell this weekend. Can't wait to get out of here at 5pm! Have a great weekend everyone!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Running is my new favorite thing (well sort of, I hate it when I first start doing it)! I finally forced myself, and/or got pressured into, to sign up for a half marathon! It is one of the hardest half marathons in the state of Colorado. I would go and pick the hardest one as the one I sign up for first. I am up to four miles at a time right now, and since the half marathon is in September, that's a-okay with me.
Somedays I run after work towards town. Other times Adam will drop me off a few miles from home and I run home. This is the benefit of living out in the boonies. We have a 35 mile drive home, and most of it is a rural winding road, so I can just get dropped off four miles out and run home in solitude. It's really great and I am really seeing improvements already! I have some smaller races lined up this summer to keep me training which will be really fun.
Have I mentioned how much I'm loving our new home? We have no TV or internet or cell service at our new house, but it's AWESOME! I never want to live in civilization again! Haha, I'm sure I'll get sick of it at some point, and break down and sign up for TV. Or Adam will force me to. We really do love it though. We never want to go anywhere on the weekends unless it's too my grandparents or my parents house which are both within a quarter of a mile.
I went down to my grandparents house on Sunday and sat outside chatting with my grandma for about an hour and then the wind started blowing. We got chilly and went inside. I laid down on the couch, she covered me with a blanket and told me to take a nap. Can't argue with that, can ya?! Needless to say, all is right in my world.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Let me just say that she is one remarkable young woman. There was so much about spirituality and faith in the movie. It was obvious that she is a miracle and that only her and her family's faith in God brought her through the awful event. The movie moved me to tears multiple times. Carrie Underwood, Helen Hunt, and Dennis Quaid did a fabulous job playing her family and friend. They were real and moving and had a depth you don't always see in movies.
Carrie Underwood plays Bethany's youth group leader and at one point in the movie she quotes Jeremiah 29:11. It's funny because I quoted it in my blog a few weeks ago, and it's the verse that has been moving me to have hope when I feel hopeless. The whole movie made me realize the incredible life I have. If Bethany can face adversity like that with a faith that strong, anyone can. No, I don't have my two angel babies here with me, but I have my life, my family, and my friends. I have both of my arms, both of my legs, and all five of my senses. God is good. I don't have to understand why, to trust Him in all things. Because with Him, all things are possible.
I also want to share a dream I had on Sunday night. It was so moving it woke me up out of a dead sleep at 2am. I was in Australia, on the beach, and somehow I knew there was going to be a tsnuami. All the water went out and I was taken out by the water and I was laying on the sand. I came out of my body and was floating above watching my body. Then, Jesus was standing next to me and he bent over and said "You are forgiven and healed."
I woke up with a jolt but that was it. The whole dream. Jesus spoke to me in my dream. Some may think it's cheesy and just my brain playing tricks with me in my dreams. But since that dream, I have felt a peace I've never known. God has this. Jesus is with me. It will be ok. No. Matter. What.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
We also decided we are taking a break from actively trying. I know that we run the risk of losing another baby if I don't take the progesterone, but I'm going to spend a lot of time praying and turning it over to God. No temping or tracking or obsessing. After one month, we'll reassess. I'm going to take it one day at a time, and give ourselves a month to focus on us and our families. God will take care of us. He always does.
This is going to be a month full of melting snow, green grass on the way, time with family, time as a couple, and mostly just peace and growth.
April's Motto: In God We Trust
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Myth: If you just relax, you will get pregnant.
"The fact is, the vast majority of individuals who have infertility have a medical reason, not a stress-related one. Upwards of 90% of all infertility cases are caused by physical problems."
I wish it were this easy. Do you know how often I hear this from people who know about our fertility problems? It's like people are saying it's our fault we can't get pregnant. They are pretty much saying, "You're just too stressed. You are the reason you can't get pregnant. You guys should just take a nice vacation and I'm sure you'll come back pregnant." YEAH RIGHT. Stress is not scientifically a problem for fertility. There has never been a study which shows that simply relaxing increases pregnancy rates.
Do you know how much blame and shame and guilt this puts on couples who are facing this disease? Really? We face enough of these things created by our own mind. I think about this all the time. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I should have been more careful in college. Maybe I need to stop drinking coffee. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
The bottom line is that infertility is not a stress issue. It's not based on things we can control most of the time. It is a disease that has the power to destroy a marriage. It can destroy self esteem, serenity, and hope.
Couples and individuals facing infertility don't deserve the disease just like cancer patients don't deserve their disease. No one deserves to be mocked or shamed based on their ability to have children. They also shouldn't be judged for trying to achieve pregnancy through medical intervention. We wouldn't judge a cancer patient for trying to be cured through medical intervention, would we?
Take that PETA.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I'm sure it seems like this totally consumes my thoughts. But it's been hard this week. I'm coming up on my second due date for a baby I don't get to meet. April 11, 2011. I'm supposed to be anxiously awaiting that baby's arrival. I didn't think I would hit this due date without being pregnant again. I just didn't.
They say you shouldn't pray for patience because God will surely give you a way to practice it. I guess he thinks I need a good long lesson in patience.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I'm struggling with the whole trying to get pregnant thing. It's so hard to want something so bad and do everything in my power to get there, and still no success. I am trying to live in an attitude of gratitude, because I know in my heart we will look back on this and it will make sense. But it's only frustrating right now. I've pretty much surrendered to the process and just try to think about anything else. Someday I will look back on this time in my life and understand.
We are going to take a road trip over Memorial Day weekend to California to see all of my family that is out there now. I'm really really looking forward to it! I can't wait to get out there and spend some time with the people I love and enjoy the sun!! (Is winter over yet here???) Then, in June we are planning a trip to Lake Powell! Lots of vacation plans in my future! Thank God! So there you have it, an update on my uninteresting but crazy life! I will try and write more often.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
The prompt this week:
What one thing can’t you give up?
I've tried to give up so many times in the last 14 months. I've tried hard. I've given it my all to give up hope. In anguish, I've yelled and screamed and pounded my fists. I've gotten angry and frustrated with God and with the desperation I've felt. I've wanted to throw myself down on the ground and sob, like I used to do in the grocery store when I was 5 and my mom wouldn't buy me the cereal I wanted. I have felt so low and so depressed. These last 14 months have tested me more than I ever thought possible.
And somehow? I keep having hope. It just sticks around like an annoying fruit fly. Some days it's what keeps me going. Some times it makes me want to throw up. It's like that annoying friend in school who won't go away but you sort of get some joy out of her. Somehow God keeps stuffing hope down my throat. Sometimes I even look for it, in bible verses, or in my recovery books. But I find hope more out of the people around me. The women who have been through what I'm going through. I find it in my parents who have stood by me and my husband through all of our heartbreak. Somehow it seeps into my life even when I try to close up all the cracks.
God is good that way. He baffles me with his power sometimes, but most of the time I'm just grateful for it. Because somehow? He makes it possible to have hope in the face of heartbreak.
Friday, March 11, 2011
I've done everything in bold below.
Now you can copy this on to your own blog & bold the things you’ve done!
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightening storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby (NO FML)
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee