Not the same is not my thing

Growing up is hard. 

I have always been one of those kids who wanted to be independent ALL of the time. Really, ask Aunt Katydidnot. Even if I really needed help, there was no way I was going to ask for it, admit I needed it, nor accept it. There were no compromises, no giving in to anyone's gestures, and definitely no helping me. 

Not much has changed.

Well, I guess a little has changed. Actually, pretty much everything has changed accept for the way I deal with change. I'm not good at it. I don't like it. Change and I are like worst enemies actually. 

And lately, everything has changed. 

First you have to understand that growing up was like this dream come true for most kids. I lived down the trail from my grandparents. My grandparents lived on, owned, and ran an outfitting business. Horses, cats, dogs, and more dogs. There was no shortage of fun, just down the trail from my house. I was the second of nine (I think) grandchildren, so there were always tons of kids around. All of my aunts and uncles and cousins lived in the state except for one and those who didn't live here, came to visit all the time. Needless to say, I grew up in a fantasy. Most kids could only dream of the childhood I had. 

My memories of my childhood consist of holidays filled with family. My grandma's house was always bustling with people pinching, tickling, and yelling (Jesus, Mary and Joseph!) at each other during the holidays. I remember, once we all tried to get together to do a family picture. Lost cause. Waste of time. But an event I will always remember. 

You see, when I was a kid, I was sure that my family would be like that forever. I had this idea in my head that no one would ever move and no one would ever grow up. 

Boy was I wrong. Suddenly I realized, I am grown up. I can legally drink; I can have babies; I can get married; I can have my own house. 

And now all I want to do is move back in with my parents (or maybe just near them) and have everyone back together again. 

With Easter coming up, it has dawned on me how much things have changed (remember how I said I don't deal with this well?). 

My grandma is visiting my Aunt Katydidnot in California and won't be here for Easter, my Aunt Katydidnot and the kindergartner and the adolescent boy (who in my mind can't possibly be having the s-e-x talk) and the girl are stiiiiiilllll in California (I try to pretend they are just on vacation), and the total number for the reservation on Sunday is eleven. That is like half the normal number. 

I'm just not sure how to grow up. I think I want to. I think I want to have my own life, and I surely love my boyfriend's family who have totally accepted me as one of their own, but it's just not the same. 

And not the same is not my thing.